The 5 Most Disgusting Candies Of All Time

by Will on April 2, 2010

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No, we’re not talking about gimmicky candy made to look like something gross (candy band-aids/scabs and the like), we are talking about candy that is trying hard to be delicious and failing miserably. The kind where when you hear that someone likes it you start looking at them a little differently.

If my wife owned up to liking any of these foods I’d have to wonder if I ever really knew her. There are many things I could forgive but I have limits. I’m only human!

Here’s our list of most disgusting candy of all time, let us know what we left out in the comments, or tell us why one of these shouldn’t have been on the list if you want us to think you’re kind of disgusting, your call. Kidding. We kid because we love. Unless you like number one in which case you’re insane and stay away from us.

5. Black Licorice

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I imagine black licorice is what tar tastes like. So what we have here is some tar flavored candy. The odd thing about black licorice is that there’s a delicious alternative in red licorice and so it’s really difficult to understand why anyone would go for the tar flavor if they are in a licorice mood. I’m not sure people that eat black licorice are entirely human.

4. Candy Corn

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My god I don’t even eat real corn. My mother bought this every Halloween and let’s just say we don’t speak. She’s dead, but you know what I’m saying.

Candy corn pumpkins can also go to hell, they don’t even make sense.

3. Whatever The Hell These Things Are

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Some sort of chewy peanut butter taffy from hell, you can also find these in candy corn flavor, proving once again that it’s often not enough for a candy to suck on its own, sometimes it has to compound the problem with catastrophically bad flavors. Many limited time food items are awesome (McRib) but there’s a bunch of candy that only comes out around Halloween because it’s just not good enough to stick around for the rest of the year. If you can’t hack it year round then go away weird taffy things! That’s not me speaking, that’s Charles Darwin.

2. Necco Wafers

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Not only do these do a really good job of impersonating chalk, they include flavors of other horrific candies including black licorice. There’s also a chocolate flavor which would probably get Necco Wafers on our list by itself even if the rest of the flavors tasted like steak.

It’s actually unbelievable we don’t have candy corn flavored Necco Wafers. I’m sure somebody’s working on this.

1. Circus Peanuts

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I have a basset hound with a weak stomach and every time he eats I have to watch him and make sure he doesn’t follow it up with a bunch of water, because the water and kibble combo causes him to ralph all over the floor. The basset puke has an odd smell and a weird consistency that reliably makes me gag each and every time this happens.

But that’s honestly nothing compared to circus peanuts. Just the thought of these horrendous foam insulation candies makes me dry heave a little. When you’re a little kid you’ll eat any candy, no matter how off brand or weird, because hey sugar. However I can still remember on the occasions I was presented with a circus peanut, eating one or two and then immediately thinking in my addled child brain “why did I just do that? AHHHHHHHH”. This was self reflection that would become familiar later in life as an adult upon eating something gross or binging, but it was a rare moment in childhood, and one that didn’t occur lightly.

Circus peanuts are supposedly made out of marshmallow, but this seems impossible as normal marshmallows don’t typically inspire such strong feelings of loathing, even among people who don’t like them. Probably because they are banana flavored marshmallows, which just … what. Putting it mildly this was a bizarre decision for something with the word peanut in the name. While I know somebody out there is eating them or they wouldn’t continue to sell, I literally don’t know one person that doesn’t immediately recoil when the subject of circus peanuts is broached. For that reason they are easily our most disgusting candy of all time, in a rout.

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