Some people know no boundaries when it comes to spoiling their pets. Pet-obsessed individuals have inspired a limitless list of animal friendly products meant to spoil the pet in a colorful variety of ways. Meanwhile, dogs and cats everywhere are totally unaware of the ridiculous lengths to which their owners will travel to keep them looking cute (or absurd). They are, after all, domesticated animals with little to no understanding of things like yoga, jewelry, and the concept of the internet. Here are some of the most ridiculous and unnecessary luxuries designed for pets.
15. Doga – Yoga For Your Dog
A lot of people who take yoga are a little crazy — the clothing, the classes, and the accessories have all become a lifestyle for self proclaimed ‘yogies’. Yoga has turned into an obsession for many healthy Americans, who sometimes spend hours or hundreds of dollars a week on yoga classes and related health regimens. A new type of class has been taking yoga to the next level of crazy with doga — couples yoga for a dog and its owner.
The dog mostly sits around while master lifts its arms in various directions to ‘stretch’ the both of them out simultaneously. Those dogs don’t know what the hell is going on. Look at that picture. That is a confused animal. The ‘dog massage’ seems most normal: Dogs like to be petted. They enjoy a good kneading.
Many doga teachers admit that the activity is more about bonding with the dog than exercising or posing it, but is a yoga classroom necessary to achieve a better relationship with one’s pet? What ever happened to the park?
14. Luxury Pet Spas
What does a person get out of a pet spa? The individual doesn’t even get to experience the joy of watching their pet wearing a humiliating outfit, or scarfing down the remnants of a puppy birthday cake. Luxury pet spas include services like individual hotel rooms equipped with TV and music, and can cost hundreds of dollars a night.
13. Designer Dog Clothing
Dogs sometimes need clothing in colder weather; the coat they were born with may not be enough for ‘ruffer’ climates, and genetically engineered teacup puppies are ill-equipped for most things in life. An old child’s sweater or a cut up tee shirt might work wonders for your pet, but some people prefer their animal dress in style. Designer dog clothing has spawned dog pajamas, dog jackets made from fur and leather, and even dog shoes. A pampered pup might love its Ed Hardy dog tee, but that’ll be a very muddy sixty bucks when the pooch is done with it.
12. Pet Jewelry
Pet jewelry is a baffling invention. Cats, who are wise enough to figure out that anything dangling and shiny is a toy, are really the only domesticated animal that could make use of jewelry. In a world where thousands of Americans suffer as they try to feed themselves on inadequate salaries, there are people who buy hundred dollar dog necklaces and swarovski crystal pet hair clips. The dog does not need a Tiffany necklace, nor does it know what Tiffany is.
If you’re not satisfied with the fur your pet came with, there’s a product designed to give your furry friend even more hair than it sheds on all of your furniture — pet wigs. A website called Kitty Wigs is dedicated to creating four styles of wigs for your cat — pink passion, beautiful blonde, electric blue, and silver fox. The cats pictured are tolerant of the luscious locks designed to accentuate their beautiful feline features, but look more like caricatures of celebrities than anything a sane person would want or need for their animal. The cost of a Kitty Wig is fifty dollars, though there are slightly cheaper alternatives around the web. Animal wigs have become so popular that the trend has spawned online communities made for sharing pictures of the modeling pets, as well as a book called ‘Glamourpuss’.
10. Home Cooked Pet Meals Delivered To Your Door
Keeping a dog healthy is important for ensuring that it live a long, happy life. Part of that process is maintaining a great diet for the animal; some brands of cheap, store-bought food are to dogs what McDonald’s is to humans: incredibly unhealthy. Like a person, an animal who consistently eats over processed, low-grade meals every day is going to be an one with a slew of health problems.
Making sure to pick out the healthy dry food in the dog food aisle is one thing, but providing the animal with a home cooked meal everyday is an entirely new level of dedication. Besides those who spend a little extra time providing fido with a gourmet dish, there are those who spend the extra money to have one delivered straight to their door. Changing an animal’s diet can have an astounding effect on the quality of its life, but opting for a home catering service to spoil the pet on a daily basis is just unnecessary.
9. Expensive Dog Houses
A dog house is ideal for those who are uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with their dog. Some people can’t imagine a night without their pup next to them. Others need a feeling of reassurance that their pet is completely comfortable no matter where the animal chooses to spend its time — indoors, or out. This last type of person typically has the time to spend thinking of ways to spice up the pet’s life, and the money to make it happen.
The most expensive dog house ever created was designed by an architect and ran up a bill of $250,000 — more than the cost of many full-sized houses. The doghouse is equipped with temperature controlled beds, food and water dispensers, a webcam to allow around the clock dog monitoring, and a 52 inch plasma television. A television intended for dog-use only is pretty absurd, but so are the high-tech eye scanners which ensure that no strange dogs enter the house and order a ton of animal planet on On-Demand.
8. Pet Web Pages
Dogs do not know how to use the internet. The most interaction they have with a computer is barking at a barking dog on Youtube, or cocking their head in confusion when a familiar voice comes through the speakers on a Skype call. Facebook is a foreign and useless thing to a dog — the closest thing to adding friends is a romp at the dog park.
Why does it seem like most people who are truly dog obsessed are computer impaired? Some people have created geocities-type sites to showcase the life and times of their precious pooch. One website called Dogster features a section similar to Facebook — but strictly for >a href=”http://www.dogster.com/dogs/696924″>dogs. A dog can add other dogs as friends, write on their walls, and post pictures of itself photoshopped into a festive Easter bunny outfit. What this really means is that there exists a community of people role playing as their dog, whom, they have assumed, really wants a Facebook. Chewing on bones, playing in the park and going on long walks don’t really count unless you can document them online and receive praise from other like-minded lunatics with strange priorities in life.
7. Pet Jacuzzi
Jacuzzi purchasers are generally well-to-do; it’s an expensive, luxury amenity afforded only by those who have at least a couple extra grand to spare on extracurricular activities. That being said, many of these people might not see the problem with splurging a little extra on a dog-friendly jacuzzi. A company called MTI Whirlpools makes a ‘Jentle Pet Spa’, with jets designed to accommodate dogs with softer spray action. The spa is small enough to fit into a normal bathroom, making it too similar to a normal bathtub which can fit a bathing animal just as comfortably at a much lower price.
6. VIP (Very Important Pet) Service At A Paris Hotel
A hotel in Paris offers VIP services for $400 a night — but the P in VIP doesn’t stand for person. The Very Important Pet services include a gourmet meal delivered as room service, games, personal trainers, massage therapists, and custom made designer dog beds. Most of these services can only be utilized after paying additional fees, meaning that the “Heavenly Pet Package” will cost the better half of a grand for just a single night.
5. Diamond Dog Collars
Diamonds are a sign of luxury and elegance, but dogs don’t know that. Only humans do, since we’re the ones who invented the connotation surrounding them in the first place. It’s no secret that many rich people buy expensive embellishments for their pet to feel better about themselves; the animal is seen in public with accessories that may as well be tiny dollar signs around its neck. A diamond dog collar is one three million dollar dog treat that will surely go completely unnoticed by the little guy — unless he’s chewing the dangly necklace into pieces. Three million dollars could buy a whole lot of bones.
4. Unisex Pet Perfume
No one likes a smelly pet. Cats are typically self sufficient when it comes to grooming, but dog owners are advised to wash their pet on a regular basis to avoid the old ‘dirty dog’ smell. It’s a pretty simple concept, but those with some extra money to blow and an interest in all things stupid might opt for Sexy Beast, the unisex pet perfume. The scent is described as “A unisex blend of bergamot and vanilla-infused musk combined with natural patchouli, mandarin and nutmeg oils.” It’s apparently crafted specifically for the dog’s sensitive nose, which probably cares more about the scent of old cheese and dog bones than mandarin and nutmeg oils.
3. A “Bark” Mitzvah
A Bar Mitzvah for dogs, the Bark Mitzvah is a new way for Jewish dog owners to integrate their furry little pal into their religious lifestyle. Unlike a boy becoming a man, a dog doesn’t become anything than what it already is — a dog. The sanest of participants (which isn’t saying much) might spend under a hundred dollars on a dog-themed cake and park ‘ceremony’, while others have dropped up to ten thousand dollars on a lavish Bark Mitzvah. The most expensive party took place at a catering hall equipped with food and a full bar that was ready to serve over a hundred people.
2. Elaborate Pet Funerals
Crazy people have found a way to spend unnecessary amounts of cash on their pet even after it’s dead. A ‘pet funeral’ usually implies an old shoe box or duffel bag, the animal’s favorite toy and a ditch in the backyard. However, there are always those willing to take it to the next level — like fully lined pet coffins ranging from a couple hundred to a couple thousand dollars. A great way to prolong the grief and mourning that comes after the loss of a pet is to blow loads of money on an extravagant service instead of doing something useful with it, like donating to an animal charity.
1. Doggie Ice Cream
Ice cream for dogs sounds pretty cute, but is still an unnecessary frill. The website encourages buyers to have a ‘paw-try’, a practice adopted by some puppy crazed people who might spend hundreds of dollars on themed festivities. The Frosty Paws website even has a section for pictures of said parties, featuring dogs in party hats sitting obediently nearby the box of dog ice cream that they gaze upon in longing.